“ Boss! Hey Boss! TICKLE FIGHT! Oh no.
Iron worker atop the 132nd floor of the Chicago Spire
And that was how I lost my job
- Hey! Who the hell peed in the coffeepot?!
kray: today the assistant in the office asked if we needed any new office supplies and i responded “some vodka and a gun”. everyone laughed…. but i wasn’t joking. i need some Effen Vodka right now
At the company picnic we have a one drink rule, and well… I was in charge of the cups.
- Boss: Johnson, where's that report?
- Me: I'm really sorry sir. It's not quite finished yet.
- Boss: Not quite finished?! What the hell have you been doing all day?
- Me: Well... I made this rather impressive paper airplane, for one.
I want you to meet the new customer service representative I’ve just hired.
- Me: Psst... I brought donuts, but don't eat any. I replaced the cherry filling with tabasco sauce as a joke.
- Paul: Seriously?
- Me: Oh yeeeeaaah.
- Paul: Isn't Tom allergic to tobasco sauce?
- Tom: AGGHHHH!
- Me: Is he?
- Me: Oh, hey. You must be the new guy. I'm Ted.
- New Guy: Um... new girl... actually. My name's Stacy.
- Me: Oh, I don't-- wow. I'm sorry. I did not mean to-- waaaait a minute. (Laughs) You dog! You totally had me going there.
- New Guy: I'm serious, asshole.
- Me: Really?
- Boss: What are the odds of you having that report on my desk by tomorrow morning?
- Me: What are the odds of you having a gun I can kill myself with?
I thought it was bring your dog to work day?!