August 2008
17 posts
“Boss! Hey Boss! TICKLE FIGHT! Oh no.”
– Iron worker atop the 132nd floor of the Chicago Spire
Hey! Who the hell peed in the coffeepot?!
Boss: Johnson, where's that report?
Me: I'm really sorry sir. It's not quite finished yet.
Boss: Not quite finished?! What the hell have you been doing all day?
Me: Well... I made this rather impressive paper airplane, for one.
Me: Psst... I brought donuts, but don't eat any. I replaced the cherry filling with tabasco sauce as a joke.
Paul: Seriously?
Me: Oh yeeeeaaah.
Paul: Isn't Tom allergic to tobasco sauce?
Tom: AGGHHHH!
Me: Is he?
Me: Oh, hey. You must be the new guy. I'm Ted.
New Guy: Um... new girl... actually. My name's Stacy.
Me: Oh, I don't-- wow. I'm sorry. I did not mean to-- waaaait a minute. (Laughs) You dog! You totally had me going there.
New Guy: I'm serious, asshole.
Me: Really?
Boss: What are the odds of you having that report on my desk by tomorrow morning?
Me: What are the odds of you having a gun I can kill myself with?
Coworker: Man, can't we do anything about those homeless people who hang around outside?
Me: Yeah I know. Like cockroaches, aren't they? You can silently kill them off one-by-one at night while they're sleeping with that old hunting knife your dad gave you, but more keep showing up the next day.
Coworker: Yeah... wait, what??
“HOLY MOTHER OF SHIT! THERE’S A BOMB UNDER MY DESK!! GET OUT OF HERE RIGHT...”
July 2008
5 posts
Me: Secretary?! More like SEXRETARY! Man, what I wouldn't give to put on a helmet and go spelunking in tha...
Tom: She's behind you.
Me: Ohhhhh shit.
Boss's wife: Well, it's good to see you again.
Me: Yeah, and this time with clothes on -- right?!